Thursday, November 6, 2008

Taking a Bite Out of a Bully

"Adult bullies target their victims in many of the same way children who bully do. While many people think that bullying only occurs amongst children, it can also happen in the workplace among adults."

The quote above is directly from Stop a Bully-Characteristics of Adult Bully Targets. It is what I have been experiencing these last two months, when my little boy and I became victims to a neighbor bully.

This woman began to show signs of aggressiveness, by yelling at us whenever she saw fit, and teld us what to do even at our own home. For seven years that we've living here, we've tried our best to keep peace, but it only got worst when she knew the older children moved away.

After many incidents, I started to feel stressed out, couldn't sleep, and my body ached! My energy was low with just the thought of her! My first reaction was "oh sh...what's now" when I see her stomp down on to my driveway.

Her physical body is three time the size of little me, (she is around 280 lbs, while I'm at 75, you do the math) and yes I am, afraid, even though I didn't do anything wrong!

Characteristics of Bullies
  • Intimidation
  • Power domination
  • Controlling and manipulating
  • Physically aggressive behavior
  • Think they are the center of the universe
  • Pick on vulnerable people

Characteristics of Victims
  • Loner
  • Socially isolated
  • Physically small or weak
  • Different race, or ethnicity
  • Quiet, polite, and keep to oneself
The characteristics of victims fit well with us, also! Sad, but true! We don't have people coming to our house often, so we are isolated in a sense. I don't hang out with friends or family in my own neighborhood.

However, we belong to a church, involve with swimming, soccer, and baseball teams. We are on the road most of the time, but just not at our own neighborhood.

There are not enough hours in the day for me to get things done, but in the back of my mind, I always have to be prepared with some sort of answers to make the neighbor bully happy, just in case she questions my choices! Why is that? Who the heck is she to me or my child?

Though I believe it was our rights to do whatever we want at our own house, the bully neighbor didn't want us to do so. Her list of unhappiness are:
  • My son introduced her son as neighbor
  • My son didn't invite her son to his birthday party
  • My son didn't look at her son when he has to run in the house to take a pee
  • I'm a bad mother for not making my son share his friends with her son
  • I didn't teach my son the right thing to do because I allow him to choose who he wants at his birthday party
  • I have nothing to do, so I should hang out with her everyday
The list of demands go on! I feel as if I live under her control, and that she was the center of my world. If we happen not to say hello for whatever reasons, she will be stampede down to our house and yelled at us.

A few weeks ago, when she intimidated me with her big body, towered over me with her voice, and expressed her horrid opinion about my parental skill, I took a bite out of her bully days!

I cut out the relationship, and ask her to just live us alone! She didn't give up that easily, still yelling after us from her own house, but that has to stop too! I am ready to enlist the help of law enforcement.

Being a victim makes me feel very small, and violated! It also makes me feel like I have no rights as a human being, and that I fail as a mother to protect my son.

Why is it that people think they have the right to tell others what to do? Why is niceness always turned out bad? Or was it my fault to fit the characteristics of victims?



  1. It is most definitely not you causing any of this. Why some people can't be nice - good question! I dream of a world where all people respect each other. Sadly, that is not the case in our world today. I wish you well, my friend, as you work through this. And I feel very much your pain, and hope that it is quickly gone.

  2. A lot of people get away with it because no one puts them in their place and they get away with it. I see it all the time. And its because people have issues and they are angry.

    I try and stay away from abusive people, but unfortunately there are a lot of them and it amazes me every day when I encounter them.

  3. Lance, that dream is beautiful, and I also would like to see more of kindness than nastiness..

    Teresa, the neighbor ordeal is an energy zapper for me, and I just had to put a stop to it! It feels good to cut it out of my life!

  4. Hi bc,

    You know a situation like you described is really hard. Its your home and yet you get violated by a neighbor. I have friends/family that had these issues and had to go to court. Horrible! When I was a kid we kived on a small quarry we had a next door neighbor that put up tresspassing signs and expected all their neighbors to walk around the entire lake so no one elses foot steps would cross their land. All other neighbors were kind though! Bully's are just possesive people who can't give common decent and dignified relations. Mine, mine, mine comes up! I totally agree they are the center of their universe without concern of others at all. Its hard to understand though.

  5. Hi Diane,

    Yes, she was very possessive, and controlling toward us. It was to the point where nothing makes her happy, and it also pushed me into the corner to cut off the neighboring relationship...My son was so scared of her, he hid in the closet while she yelled at me!

    It's over now, or at least until Spring when the weather is nice again :-(

  6. I'm sorry you have suffered so much because of your neighbor's bullying. It's easy for me to say don't take what she's doing personally, as it's not happening to me right now. I'm wondering if you might feel better if you didn't see yourself as a victim (even though you have every right to). Perhaps, if you could possibly view the situation as happening "for" you instead of "to" you. I once used a mean neighbor as a teacher to show me how not to treat others or even myself! I got the idea from the book, "Thank You for Being Such a Pain" by Mark Rosen. Take care.


Thank you for taking your time to comment! I will visit you as soon as I can, promise..

Stop by my other blogs:

Pragmatic Soul
Beyond Wandering
Beyond Zephyr

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