Wishful Thinking!

The first line in this video had a special meaning to me, because that was how I used to think. I didn't want to be a girl, female, or women as each stage reached my life.



"I never wanted to be a girl, the way a girl supposed to be..." I remember writing this very thought to an older friend, and expressed my wish to be a boy! In return, he wrote: "Just be a girl, natural, and pretty as a girl!"

With that one sentence, he comforted me and helped me to accept my role as a girl. Note, I didn't want to have a sex change, I wanted to born as a boy, not a transsexual figure. A real natural boy!

Why was it that I detested my gender? What was it that being a girl so awful in my thought?

Shrine of Beautiful Women

There are many possible reasons, and physically, these are what girls do in my time:

• Clean up the house
  
• Cook
• Wash dishes
• Wash the clothes
• Go to the market
• Babysitting
• Plant flowers and vegetables
• Feed the animals
• Water the garden
• Take care of a sick member of the family

Image by Gale Franey

When I was younger, I saw the boys having so much freedom, and realized the unfairness in this world. Just because they are boys, they didn't have to do a thing! All they do were: sleep, eat, and either study or work! While girls virtually do everything boys do and ten times more!

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On the Emotional and Mental Notes, Girls Are:

• Sensitive
• Tears easily
• Keep to themselves
• Fragile
• Have less freedom to express

Although modern men have been sharing the daily work chores with raising children, and household responsibilities, women are still in charge of most duties.

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I have lots of respect for women, and I no longer wish to be a boy! Watching this video, I can relate to their feelings. It is hard to be a girl, especially in countries where women have no voice. Through life experiences, I am more comfortable in my own skin.

Why did I ever have that thought? What was I thinking? Was it just a wishful thinking? Have you ever wish to be a different person?

Coping With High Energy Bills

It is getting harder to save money in today's economy. The cost of living is much higher nowadays, everyone is determined to cut down more in more areas of their lives now than ever before.

As a single parent I have to always look for ways to save money. My heat bill in the winter is astronomical, and to keep my energy bill under control, I apply these tips below.

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Cutting Down on Heat Bill

• Turn your thermostat down to 60 degree! For every degree you dial down, you will save 3% on your heat bill.
• If no one is at home for more than 5 hours, set it at 55 degree.
• Set your water heater at 115 -120 degree, since your water heater is accounted for 14% of your gas bill.
• Clean your dryer lint trap to improve circulation. Better yet, use a brush to clean it twice a year. You might not be able to see the build up on the lint trap, but if you run it under water, you can see it drains very slowly.
• Change the filter in your furnace to optimize efficiency.
  
• Fix all crack around siding, windows, and doors to prevent drafts.
• Wash your clothes in warm water instead of hot, and you can reduce your heat bill down to half. If you have to wash in hot water, use cold for rinse cycle.
• If you can live with plastic film on your windows, install it and cut down your heat bill.
• Pull your shades, draperies, and blinds to keep the house warm.
• Invest in insulation for your craw space, attic, or basement.

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Cutting Down on Electric Bill

• Change all lighting fixtures to high energy efficient bulbs.
• Unplug all electrical outlets in un-used rooms. Keeping them plug in will only run up your bill.
• Turn off lights where no one is using.
• Open up your blinds or shades to let sunlight in, instead of using electric.
• Unplug hair dryer, shaver, electric tooth brush, and curler in the bathroom until you need to use them.
• Set automatic timer to your coffee maker, toaster, and microwave to turn off during the night, and back on for the day.
• Use your automatic timer for your entertaining system also in case you forget to unplug them for the night.
• Check your garage or shed, and unplug electric tools that are not in use.
• Install a sensor light by your entrance. The light will turn on when there is movement!
  

Getting family members to cooperate in saving energy will take a little used to. However, if you keep insisting on "turn the light off" or "close that door tight behind you", they will adopt it into a good habit.

Life Lessons to Remember

I found this article "Career Hub: 9 Career Lessons From Richard Branson" by Sital Ruparelia and feel inspired. The article is adapted from Sir Richard Branson's Screw It--Let's Do It - Lessons in Life.

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The 9 lessons are below, and they are precisely what we should remember to live by every day!

1. Just Do It
2. Have fun
3. Be bold
4. Challenge Yourself
5. Stand on Your Own Feet
6. Live in the Moment
7. Put Family and Friends First
8. Have Respect
9. Do Some Good

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These 9 lessons are just wonderful! Often, when I have an idea, I jump into it with both hands and feet. "Just do it" is a powerful message! When Nike comes up with that slogan, they know how to motivate people to take a chance.

If you want to start a blog, just do it! If you contemplate on having a new career, just do it!

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"Challenge yourself" is another lesson that jumps out at me. It is the back burner that remains well lit to give me that push to reach for what I want. Learning to challenge myself gives me opportunities to open for new ideas, and experiences. I believe when I stop challenging myself, I also stop learning!

Everyone has their own life lessons to live by! These 9 lessons from Sir Richard Branson are my inspiration to work on self improvement.

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My life lessons look something like this:

• Have courage to try new things
• Push past limitation
• Be honest, loyal, and supportive
  
• Give my best effort
• Have faith
• Do the right thing
• Count my blessings
  

If some body asks you what life lessons can you pass on, what would you say or list out?

Writing with a Pen Name or Real Name?

Many writers prefer to use their real names! After all, who would not like the glory of a successful journey crediting to one own authentic self?

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When I first started to write articles for the internet, I preferred to use a pen name for security reasons, such as identity theft, and safety concerns. It always is scary to think that you can find anybody in the world with just a click of the button.

Male or Female?

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If you decide using a pen name, here is a question: do you want to be a man or a woman author? Many studies shown that readers/viewers favor man more than woman. They are less harsh on attacking male authors than they are toward female authors.

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It's always amazed me to read nasty comments, name calling, degrading remarks, or questioning a woman's choice toward the topic covered. Rarely do I see the same comments made on male's articles. Yes, I received quite a few of those in my life time!

Here are some possibilities:

• Women are more sensitive to their feelings
• Women won't attack back
• It is easier to assume that women have no credibility
• It is an unfair world after all
  
• Sexism and inequality still exist
  

What is In a Name?

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The name you decide on is the brand you choose! It is what people recognized! There are many things to consider when deciding on using a pen name or your real name. It goes from being a female or male, to something unique, easy to pronounce, or easy to remember by readers.

Another thing to consider is racist comments. If your real name or pen name is not familiar with the population of the country you live in, there will be those that nip and rip at your articles, no matter what!

The Benefits of Using a Pen Name

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• No one knows who you are, including family and friends
• Freedom to express your feelings and opinions without worrying
  
• Keep your private life safe
• You can choose a different gender without surgery

The Benefits of Using Your Real Name

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• Your family and friends will recognize you and support your work
• Stay true to who you are

I have experienced with both pen name and real name! I like both. When I want to express a personal view, I use a pen name to avoid conflict if I know my opinion would be taking in a wrong direction. Otherwise, I will use my own name.

The choice is yours! Exam your comfort level, and do what feel rights for yourself. Have you experienced using a pen name? What is your take in this matter?

Do You Want to Grow Old Gracefully?

Growing old is not a problem, but looking older than your age is! No one likes that, especially for women. We can fight this, not by using Botox, surgery, or face lift, but by natural ways.

25 Ways to Look 10 Years Younger

In this article on the Telegraph, you will find 25 ways to try to look younger. Find some things that can fit into your life style and your budget to incorporate them.

Most of the suggested items are easily carry out for men also. Who said men don't care about their look?

Change Your Habits for Glowing Skin

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Your bad habits have a lot to do with your look! Smoking, drinking, and over eating contribute to your skin elasticity. Sun bathing is also damaging to your health. You will find a few tips in this article to have a glowing skin.

Forget Gracefully: How Not to Age, Period!

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This article is loaded with great tips and advices, written by Anne Lynken-Garner. It includes tips for men also. She covers many areas that often are the signs of aging, such as hair, wardrobe, skin, teeth, weight, and outlook.

100 Ways to Look Younger

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Set aside some free period of time to read this article on Prevention website, or you can even bookmark it to come back at a later day. It gives you 100 tips for hair, skin, eyes, smile, body, face, to hands to try out. You can work on one area at a time to fit in with your schedule.

Six Simple Steps to Look Younger without Botox or Surgery

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We can't stop the time, but we can cheat it! This is a fun article to read, and also very informative. The author gives us six simple ways that we can do to cheat the time. This is a must read for people who are reaching their 40!

Look Younger Without Surgery

tamelyn

Last but not least, in this article you will find suggested creams to use, and useful tips to help you look younger.

Whatever it takes, from changing habits, to using creams, to eat healthy, we should try to keep looking younger than our age. What can be better than that?

Poverty Blogging Day United

Today is blog action day, where bloggers from around the world write a post on their sites and donate their earnings for the day to help end poverty. I'm participating in this event even though my blog earns no money, because I want to bring the words out to my friends and family.

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What is Poverty?

Poverty! What does it mean? What comes to your mind when you hear the word "poverty"? In general, poverty means poor, means no money, means having much less than one life needs, and/or means having next to nothing!

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I have personally experienced poverty in my life, and I have also seen poor people in my own local area. Although I am not rich yet, I am able to make ends meet from day to day.

There are many people who cannot even say that. They have no way to a decent home, a nutritious meal, a pair of un-rip clothing, and health care is something they are not familiar with.

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How Did People Become Poor?

• Unluckiness--Yes, unluckiness plays a hand in dealing out a series of unfortunate events, such as a loss of job, an accident, and/or a serious illness.

• Addictions--We all know addiction to drinking, casino gambling, and drugs can wipe out an entire mountain of wealth in no time at all.

• Born in a poor environment--Let face it, if you are born to poor parents, what chance do you have to get rich? If you are born in poor third world and war country, how can you wiggle your way out of poverty?

• No opportunities--If there is no schools, jobs, or ways to make life better, how are poor people improving their lives? They will stay poor, and just try to live for the day.
  

Can We End Poverty?

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This is a vision for poverty blogging day to reunite bloggers from around the world. Many websites will donate the day's earnings to this wonderful cause. However, there are other ways that you can help.

• Give your time to your local soup kitchen
• Volunteer at churches' homeless programs
• Help out at shelters
• Donate gentle used clothes, shoes, and household items
• Do a random act of kindness
• Instead of buying a cup of StarBuck coffee, donate that money just once a month!
• Second-run theaters cost about $2 to $3 dollars for a ticket while new release movies cost about $9 dollars. You could save the differences to donate!

Every little thing you can do will add up in helping to end poverty. Time is tough for everybody, but it does not always have to take money to help. Help can come in many different ways. Find one that you can do to make the world a better place!

How I Work At Home Without Going Insane

I've been working at home for the past two years. I write. I babysit. I translate paperwork. I pay bills. I take care of my kids. I cook. I clean. I do the many things that others don't. I say this because I'm a single mom, which means I have double duties. That's all!

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However, many people think that since I work at home, I have all the time in the world, and that I don't have anything to do. Remarks such as: "What do you do all day at home? Aren't you bored? Since you don't have to go to work, can you do this or can you do me a favor?" are all very familiar to me.

To these types of people, they haven't a fainted idea what it takes to work at home. I have a very rigid schedule to keep myself sane, and also be productive.

Morning Routine/Rituals

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• Wake up at 5:30 A.M.
• Drink my coffee
  
• Answer emails
• Check out friends' articles
• Comment on articles/blogs
• Go over the list of chores
• Make breakfast
• Take the older kids to school
• Clean up the morning mess

Afternoon Routine

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After dropped off the older kids at school, I have about two hours to work on a post or an article. Sometimes, if I have translation jobs to do, I must get the paperwork done. When it comes to this area, I must remind myself to be flexible, and mix things up.

Then depending on the weather, I either rake leaves, shovel snow, or cut the grass. Before noon, I have to drop my preschooler at school, and run back home to catch up with my unfinished chores.

Yes, in between, I squeeze in eating! Multitasking is the name of the game in my life! By three o'clock, I am on the road picking up three kids, from three different locations.

Evening Rush

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Once the kids are home, there are school papers to check out, homework to be done, dinner needs to be on the table, drive to soccer practices/games, wait, dinner time, bath time, bed time, and I'm tired to the bones.

My evening usually goes by without a word written! Yet, people work away from home, and including married stay-at-home moms mock that my life is boring, or that I have nothing to do.

My Solutions

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• Ignore the ignorance remarks
• Stay Focus
• Make a daily activities schedule, but be flexible for changes
• Do what works out for me and my family
• Keep my dream alive in my mind
  
• Say my prayer
• Count my blessings
  

To stay sane, I rely on a daily list, and a calendar. These are my tools, an old fashion way to keep track of things in my life. I also have my list of goals for the week, and I learn to focus on what works for me.

Reach for Life Balance

Stacey, at Create a Balance, called for a group writing project on Life Balance, which is a great idea, and has my head spinning these last few days.

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I have always tried to find ways to balance my life, whether it is work, home, or my own responsibilities. We all have so many roles to fill, from being a parent, a daughter/son, a sister/brother, a friend, to being an employee.

Each role we play has its own hiccups. We learn to weave out the good and the bad, and then some how try to find balance in order for us to be able to live with.

So What is Life Balance?

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This is a tough question! I know what I want, and I know what works for me, but to give it a definition, I have to dig deeper. For me, life is balance when gives and takes, yes and no, happiness and sadness, meet somewhere close to the middle.

Why Do You Need Life Balance?

I need life balance to be a better person. Without balance, life would be a total chaos in all aspects of my human being. My emotional will be drained. My physical will be vulnerable to illness. My mental stage will be depleted.

How I Practice Life Balance

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I practice life balance by paying attention to my own being, listen to what my body tells me, and do something that I love. For example, I give all my energy in taking care of my children, and when that energy runs low, I give myself permission to soak in a hot bath, without guilt. When my body is tired, I take ten minutes for a short nap.

What I Incorporate Into Life Balance?

• Love oneself
• Love others
• Accepting life as is
• Having faith
• Do one thing that I like every day
  
• Eating healthy foods
• Learn something new every day
• Reach beyond limitations
• Take time to count my blessings
• Develop appreciation for people and things around me
  

What are the Characteristics of Someone Practicing the Art of Life Balance?

• Calmness
• Easy going with a touch of happiness
• See the difference between big problem, and small one
• Accepting one's own situation, and find contentment from it
• Flexible in dealing with the unexpected
  
• Take life as it is, and try to make it better

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The Essential Components of Life Balance

The essential components of life balance include: prioritize, discipline, scheduling, self-forgiving, contentment, happiness, giving yourself a pat on the back, be gentle with inner critic, and have compassion.

What Does Life Balance Mean to You?

Having life balance prevents me from burning out, preserve the person that I am, and enable me to embrace all living things around me. I can give myself freely, but also be selfish when needed too.

This is what life balance means to me! It is not perfect, but I am working on it every day. Life is constantly changing, even from day to day; therefore, I must also learn to go with the changes rather than against them.

Movie to Watch: "Pay It Forward"

This movie is one of my all time favorite! Every since I saw it, I'm moved, with emotions, and with tears! Heck, it doesn't take much for me to be in tears. I even have tears when I watch Homeward Bound.


If the movie is based on emotions, I will be curling into a ball. Pay It Forward grabbed me in a different level. It teaches me to be kind, generous, and try to make the world a better place to live in, for everyone.

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I love the message in this movie, and how two people from different walks of life finally found love with each other. This was the work of a young kindest mind boy, who saw what no one can see.

The best scene for me was when the teacher, Kevin Spacey, asked his lover, Helen Hunt, why do women always make excuses to come back to their abusers. That scene has more meaning than a simple act.

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The part in the movie that moves me the most was when the mother (Helen Hunt), looked out the window, and saw a line of well wishers on her front lawn, plus headlights from cars that was way out on the highway.

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If you have not seen this movie, rent it, watch it, and allow it to move you as it did to me. Then keep the message shines in your mind, and do a random act of kindness when the situation presents itself.

The act of kindness does not have to be big, it could be a quarter you are giving to the person in line ahead of you that is short of money. Whatever little thing you can do, you are contributing to a better world.

Pay it forward!

Where Are You at in Your Relationship?

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I'm a failure in relationship-intimate relationship, to be more specific-and no, it is not self-doubt, or negative thought. I face it as it is! Honest! Truthful! Realistically!

After all, I've only experienced one relationship in my life, and that was with my ex for over 20 years! Even now, I don't know how to label that relationship either. Was it love? Was it dependency? Was it really a relationship? What was it?

Five Signs That Tell Your Relationship is Over

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This is an article I wrote in December of last year, about my miserable relationship with my ex of 20 years. It took me almost five years after the divorce to realize that there was no relationship at all. We were just merely co-existed!

It is not to imply that he is a bad person at all; it is just that he is not the right person for me!

I've listed the five signs that killed my relationship in this article. It's as bold as I can make it! It's as how I experienced it. If you ask my ex, he will say: "It's not true", because my feelings had never weight much in his opinion.

So Where Are You at in Your Relationship?

J316

One of my skills to solve problems is asking questions, and then listens for the answers in my heart. I will throw out a list of questions here, base on my life experiences, and what I want in a relationship.

• Are you happy to see your partner?
• Does your partner pay attention to you in a crowded room?
• If you have an idea, or opinion, how did your partner react to it? Laughing it off, or considering it?
• If you have a plan to be together, is it honored, or dismissed as soon as the phone rings?
• Is your partner in-tune with your feelings, and offers comfort?
• Are you both working toward a future together?
• Is there a middle ground?
• Can you tolerate your partner's behavior, attitude, and priority?
  

These questions may seem insignificant, but if you can't answer them, you know where your relationship is at.

What Can You Do to Make It Better?

Coach_robbo

• Start the change in yourself first. Read self-improvement books. Find your weakness and strength to know who you are, and your view in life. No one can make you happy, except yourself!
• Contentment in who you are, and who your partner is.
  
• Relationship is really a 50/50 give-and-take ratio.
• Communicate to resolve issues, no matter how big or small. Get it out in the open to voice your opinion, and avoid build-ups in your mind.
• Set aside one day/night a week to work on the problem area.
• Deal with your personal relationship problems as you would deal with a business partner: with respect, with suggested solutions, and with an open mind!

Further Reading Resources

• Four Ways of Building on the Positives in Marriage--By Claris Fernandez

• How to Find a Lasting Happy Relationship with the Man of Your Dreams--By Anne Lyken-Garner

It is easy for me to say it now as I saw where my problems were! In my case though, I had no chance of making a different since who I am and what I am meant absolute nothing to my ex. I was pretty much a puppet on a string!